10 Steps to Rachel Berry
by Tribbith
Summary: Finn's on a mission to prove to Rachel, and himself, that he has what it takes to make everything okay.


**Set during 'New York', this is a sort of a follow on of '10 Steps to Happiness', though you don't need to have read that to understand what's going on. **

**Season two finale; my Finchel dreams came true :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee but I own a lot of Glee related thoughts and feelings**

Finn scribbles across what feels like the fiftieth piece of paper he's ripped from his notepad. He writes and writes and writes and he knows that what he's writing is a load of overexcited pointless stuff but he needs to get it out if he's going to concentrate on what's sitting on his bed.

So he writes everything in order of how it happened to clear his head, and he doesn't care if he grins like an idiot because he's used to that now; life can be really _awesome_. He just hopes, by the end of this thing, that he's ready for the next step.

_1. Bye mom, thanks for the sandwiches_

"You sure you have enough pairs of underwear?"

"Mom."

"How about clean socks?"

"Mom."

"Do you have your deodorant with you? I hear it can get hot in New York and you don't want to upset your glee friends by being all sweaty now do you?"

"_Mom,"_ Finn whines, staring out of his truck window as Burt drives them to the airport. "I've double checked a hundred times already." He glances across at Kurt and gives him a half-hearted smile 'cause even though they're brothers and they're cool about a lot of stuff now, he still gets easily embarrassed.

"We _definitely _don't want you being all sweaty, Finn," he says with a grin, and Finn gives him the finger at the same time that his mom turns around to check on him.

"Finn Hudson!"

"S-sorry mom," he says pathetically, ignoring the way that Kurt laughs to himself. Finn's not usually so grumpy but he's so goddamn nervous about everything. New Directions are _actually_ going to New York, and he seriously can't get his head around that. Honestly, when Mr Schue had mentioned it at the beginning of the year, he'd kinda doubted their ability to be good enough.

Nah, that wasn't really right; he just kinda doubted that New York would ever come true, you know? So much had happened in the past two years and suddenly they were going to this huge place to take part in a huge competition and he couldn't shake the feeling of sickness in his stomach.

That was partly due to the _worst_ idea Mr Schue had ever had (and he'd had a lot of pretty bad ones). 'Hey kids, we're finally going to Nationals, this competition we've all been dreaming of! It's going to be really hard to beat Vocal Adrenaline and the other forty nine groups that we'll be going up against, so we really need to put all of our effort into winning this! Oh, and we won't write the songs until we get there!'

_Seriously?_ How the hell are they supposed to write amazing songs under so much pressure? And what about the backing music and the band and stuff? Kurt's told him a bunch of times not to worry about it, but Finn doesn't have much faith in his brother.

Look at this way; the first time New Directions performed at Regionals, they lose, right? (even though Faithfully was one of the best duets in the history of time and stuff). And that's when Kurt's still part of the group. Kurt moves to The Warblers, and the next time they go to Regionals, they win without him (and The Warblers lose).

So, Finn's pretty sure he has it sussed out; if they lose, he's blaming it on the fact that his brother is some kind of demon.

"Oh God, we're almost there, I can't wait to fly!" squeals Kurt, and the high pitchedness of his voice goes right through Finn, making him cringe. Oh yeah, he has a killer headache, that isn't exactly helping his nerves.

He's never been on a plane before. Kurt hasn't either, but he's a lot more excited than Finn but, like, have you seen Lost? The plane crashes on a creepy desert island and there are polar bears and people trying to steal babies and the Others and stuff (he used to be a big fan, even if he didn't understand any of the things that happened, but he got distracted and keeps meaning to buy the last season on DVD sometime).

So yeah, it's safe to say that Finn's feeling less-than-excited about this experience because he doesn't wanna be eaten by a weird smoke monster thing (yeah, okay, Lost isn't real but planes crash all the time and oh God, he can't even handle the thought of dying before he gets the chance to tell Rachel how he feels).

"You're looking a little pale sweetie, are you nervous?"

"Yeah, kinda," he admits, leaving it at that as he stares back out of the window. Rachel; he's the most nervous about that. He's been trying so hard to set things right between them, and so far his attempts... well, okay, the flower thing was a bit of a fail and all those times he tried to pluck up the courage to call her up were a bit of a fail too, and then before he knew it, ta da, riding along in his truck.

He really doesn't know how to handle it. He figures that telling her that he loves her in New York will be epic and stuff, but God, like, what the hell's going on with Jesse and her? Even if he wants her more than anything in the world or whatever, he doesn't want to hurt her; if she's happy with Jesse...

No, she can't be, he's a douche and an idiot, and Finn's only an idiot so that means that he's the better choice right? He's gonna convince Rachel that she's the one for him and they'll win Nationals and they won't have to live off of coconuts and stuff when the plane crashes.

"We're heeeeeeere!" sings Kurt, and Finn groans into his hands; he's so not ready for this. Burt parks somewhere that's not gonna get his truck towed, and with Finn's one small suitcase and Kurt's three large ones, the Hudson Hummel family walks into the _huge_ airport and everyone's in awe.

Man, that's the saddest thing ever, but it's true. Finn's mom could never afford decent vacations for the two of them, and if they did go anywhere, it was always by car or truck or something. He already asked Kurt why he's never been travelling before, and he told him that his dad liked to stay grounded to Lima where he was safe and happy.

Still, the airport gets to all of them because Burt nods appreciatively, Finn's mom tears up and Kurt runs straight towards Mercedes who is waiting with the rest of the glee club.

"Why are you crying? Do you think we're gonna die too? Maybe we shouldn't go..."

His mom laughs and Finn pulls a face 'cause he doesn't find it funny at all. "Honey, you'll be fine. Burt and I were supposed to take a plane for our honeymoon, and since we never did, it's just a small reminder of that, you know?" She squeezes Finn's hand and he guesses he understands that, sort of.

"Have a good time son," says Burt as he pats him on the shoulder, and Finn looks a little shocked 'cause that's the first time he's ever been called that. And you know what? It feels _epic,_ and he feels like he belongs, you know?

As he's saying goodbye to his mom (it's so much harder than it should be), Kurt hugs his dad, and before he knows it, he's being escorted towards Mr Schuester by his brother, his mom's 'I love you and break a leg' hanging in the air. He really wishes that she could be there to cheer him on but plane tickets are so expensive and it's not fair at _all._

Break a leg she shouts, and on cue, he looks for Rachel in the group. She's wearing this awesome stripey jacket and a cute white hat thing and she just looks so pumped that he starts to feel excited again; her enthusiasm is infectious.

"Hello Finn!" she beams, avoiding the eye contact of Quinn who's kinda lurking in the background. Finn waves and grins, but then he remembers that weird thing that the blonde said to him the last time they spoke; something about plans. Huh, crap, maybe that's something else to worry about too?

Either way he buries that underneath the rest of his anxieties and he stands closer to Rachel. This is gonna sound all kinds of lame, but at that moment, he just wants to like, hug her. She really does look adorable and smiley and everything and God, she just looks super huggable.

He doesn't though 'cause that would be weird and it would rub it in Quinn's face and he's not that big of a jerk.

"Hey Rachel," he finally says, trying to stay focused on what's happening instead of all the thoughts rushing through his head. "You excited about travelling and stuff?" You know what he's really excited about? The sandwiches his mom made for him. Sure, it's just bread and cheese and meat and whatever the hell she's put in there but he loves his mom's sandwiches and he thinks that when he eats them in _New York _(he can't believe they're doing this), they'll taste extra special and homely.

"I most certainly am!" she gushes, straightening her white hat thing (he'll ask Kurt what it's called later). "And in no time at all we'll be in New York and it'll be _amazing._" She tries to straighten it again so Finn gives her a 'you're so adorable, how are you real?' smile and picks it up himself, smoothing it out (ooh, it's kinda woolly) before placing it on her hair, making sure that it's not uneven and stuff. She gives him a bashful smile in return and the two of them talk so easily that he's not nervous anymore (even if he's gonna keep an eye out for mysterious islands out of the window).

_2. I've never been in First class before, or on a plane for that matter_

Holy shit, he's sitting in his seat and he's feeling kind of nauseous and the flight attendant woman is talking about all these things you're supposed to do if the plane crashes and burns and he can't fasten his seatbelt and he's pretty sure he's about to have a panic attack 'cause he can't remember what the first thing she said was and oh God he isn't ready to die he totally isn't ready to die.

"Here, let me help you," Rachel says, and in one attempt, she manages to clip Finn into his chair. He planned this out with Kurt, see, 'cause he wanted to be sitting next to Rachel on the way there. He paid his brother ten bucks to make sure no one sat next to her and he made good on his word since he's beside the window and Rachel's sitting next to him; she doesn't seem unhappy either, so that's a bonus.

"Thanks, I kinda panicked for a minute," he admits, and he knows his cheeks are burning because the stewardess woman (he has no idea what they're called) has just glared at him for daring to interrupt her safety procedure thingy. "We're not going to die, are we Rachel?" He whispers it so he won't piss the woman off even more and the girl beside him giggles, though she too keeps her voice quiet.

"I sincerely hope not; I refuse to let Vocal Adrenaline win because of our untimely death." She doesn't look at him, but she takes his hand and strokes it reassuringly, and you know what? In that one small gesture, Finn feels awesome and he thinks they might just make it to New York alive.

Anyway, the plane takes off (and Rachel whispers words of encouragement when Finn nearly has a full on hysterical fit), and before he knows it, they're in the air and hey, it's not as bad as he thought it would be! You can't really tell you're flying after a while and when Finn notices that Rachel's still holding his hand, absentmindedly brushing her thumb over his knuckles as she reads from her magazine, he feels his heart do that weird jumpy thing, even if she's just being a good friend.

"Hey," he says quietly, not wanting to disturb her, "do we get drinks while we're on here?"

Rachel looks at him curiously as she bites her lip in thought. "I assume so, though the tickets don't cover a meal or refreshments. Do you have any money with you?"

He does, but he isn't actually thirsty. "Yeah, and I wonder if they come in those cool airplane cups?" He half expects her not to remember 'cause it was a long time ago and not one of his finer moments, but then she turns this really weird red colour and crap, no, she lets go of his hand and tells him she's going to the bathroom; shit, wrong move.

He settles back into his seat, thinking back on their first kiss. Quinn had never done anything like that for him, picnics and romantic stuff, and Rachel had gone to the effort to make it special, and that was before they were even dating! In that blissful time after Jesse and before their breakup, Rachel always surprised him with her little gestures, like heart shaped sugar cookies when he had the flu and this awesome talking card that congratulated him on his above average test results in math (complete with her singing 'I'll always believe in you Finn!').

He missed that. Well, he missed a lot of things actually but he missed the smaller details just as much and where was he? Oh yeah, their first kiss. God, it had been perfect, really. There was the picnic and the compliments on each other's talent and the virgin cosmos and then he'd kissed her and had sprung in a boner in less than ten seconds; so classy.

And yeah, so the way he ran out on her hadn't been so great but it wasn't because he was ashamed of kissing her; he was ashamed of being such a pansy. Seriously, his mailman problem was, well, a problem, but he'd been controlling it a little better with Quinn then bam! Rachel Berry turns out to have the best lips he's ever met and he screws up.

"If you've never been on a plane before, how did you know what the cups look like?"

What, when the hell did Rachel come back? And oh good, she doesn't look sad or mad or whatever, which is cool. "You're gonna think I'm lame," he says reluctantly, and his eyes glance down to the best lips he's ever met and he wants to kiss them so _bad_.

"I won't Finn, I promise." She places a hand over her heart and then she whispers with a wink, "it's beating really hard."

And then that's Finn's cue to blush like a girl and he pulls a face at her before he turns away. "My mom bought some of the cups this one time because we were gonna fly to California for the weekend but she'd just lost her job and she couldn't afford the flights. Instead, she pretended that our backyard was California, and she bought the cups and some in-flight magazines and we just pretended." He looks nervously across at Rachel 'cause he's aware that her dads have quite a bit of money.

"That's the cutest story I've ever heard," she says, and she giggles a little before squeaking.

"W-what, is everything okay?" He almost jumps out of his seat except he's fastened in (and doesn't know how to get out), but Rachel just nods and grins.

"I'll be back in a moment," she says cheerily and she leaves Finn , trapped and a little confused.

Seatbelts are a pretty lame idea for planes, aren't they? Like, think about it; the plane crashes into the ocean and then you're supposed to slide out of one of the doors on an inflatable thing (possibly? Yeah, he missed most of the procedures but whatever) to freedom. But what if you can't unfasten your seatbelt? You'll be stuck as everyone swims away and if you don't die of a lack of oxygen, you'll get eaten by sharks and/or mermaids.

He's so glad Rachel returns because he's shaking again and she has to try and calm him down (he doesn't mention the mermaids though since he doesn't want her thinking he's stupid).

"Are you sure you're okay now?" she whispers soothingly, and the way her hand runs up and down his arm gives him goose bumps, seriously.

"Yeah, thanks, you're really awesome." He sees her blush, and then out of thin air she produces a bottle of water and two plastic, see-through cups.

"I thought this might make you feel more at ease." She pours him some water and hands it to him, and fucking hell, his heart really is beating hard 'cause how is she so perfect? Anyway, he thanks her and sips timidly from the cup, and damn, her lips are all shimmery from her drink and she has this one droplet that's just inviting him in.

"You have a little-" He wipes his thumb over her top lip and come on, say it babe, just _say_ it, what you said last time! He waits for the 'you can kiss me if you want to', and he really _really_ wants to, but she smiles, thanks him, then turns back to her magazine, and that's that.

Finn dozes off for the rest of the flight, dreaming about lips and kisses and mermaids (he only screams a little when the plane lands with a bump).

_3. So frickin' hungry_

After they make it out of the airport (and Rachel disappears to talk to Kurt and Mercedes), Finn tags along with Sam and Puck, who have started forming some kind of bromance. It's awesome, actually, 'cause all the dudes like each other in glee club and they're all like, the best of friends, but maybe it's just girls in general that are bitchy. He knows that Quinn hates Rachel and he knows that Santana's not a fan of Quinn and he's not sure he's ever seen Tina talk to Brittany (oh, wait, they totally did on that Fondue show which, by the way, he really wants to star on 'cause he _loves_ hot cheese!).

Point is, the guys have got the friendship thing down to a t, and he really likes that.

Anyway, once they're off the plane and officially into New York, Mr Schue literally disappears, leaving them with a few words of 'you know the way to the hotel, right? See you later!'. He's not sure what's going on with him but Finn kinda takes it on himself to keep an eye on the group. He's one of the oldest, one of the tallest, and he's a co-captain; that means he has to make sure no one gets robbed or killed.

"Maybe we should find somewhere to sit and eat first?" he suggests because all he can think about is his sandwiches; all that fretting on the plane has left him hungry. The suggestion is met with a murmur of approval, and then they somehow end up on these big red step things (they seem so random to Finn and so he stands because he needs to watch out for everyone). The group sits down, food begins to be eaten, and Finn grabs a sandwich and practically groans; best sandwich ever. Everyone starts talking about what they wanna do in New York and like, he didn't even think of that. They're here for the big competition and they have so much work to do, and he hadn't really expected them to have enough time to do sightseeing, you know? Besides, he has no idea what or where anything is in this place, so he just nods a long for a bit, watching the sandwich in Kurt's hand in case he drops any.

He doesn't like the way they're all talking though. He gets that they want to have fun but this is serious stuff and they really need to focus.

So that's what he tells them.

"Guys hold on, I mean, we still have two songs to write." He tries not to come off as preachy 'cause he wants to be the leader who they respect and listen to, not the one who's a jerk and hates them all (cough cough, St. Jackass).

God this sandwich is good.

"Okay Mr Bossypants," says Kurt in a slightly condescending way, so Finn just rolls his eyes and smiles; he's gonna make sure they do it though, even if he needs to be a little preachy. Then everyone bursts into random song and he smiles at that too (one, because like really, his sandwich is super delicious, and two, he doesn't really know the words).

Shit, where the hell is Rachel? Fuck, he's only been a designated babysitter for twenty minutes and he's already lost someone! And he's lost the most important person too, 'cause she's the most talented and he loves her with all his heart and-

"Guys," she announces, and she struts up to them in her funky red tights and her big shoes and Finn lets out a sigh of relief and continues eating his sandwich. "I have news. To celebrate our impending win at Nationals, I got us all thirteen tickets to Broadway's longest running show ever; Cats!" Still eating, Finn lifts up his hands in a 'that's the best idea ever!' kind of way as he smiles. Call him lame or whatever, but he's always wanted to see a show with Rachel so that they can connect on one of her favourite things, you know? Besides, it's probably some kind of crime _not_ to see a show while you're in New York (though he's allergic to cats; should he be worried?).

Everyone's super excited anyway (especially Brittany, and that's probably 'cause she has that really weird smoking fat cat), and then Quinn jumps in and announces that the show closed eleven years ago; that's a bummer. Finn frowns; when did she become such a Broadway buff? Like, how did Rachel and Kurt not know that it was a scam, but she did? Huh.

"He did seem crazy; he charged my credit card by swiping it through his butt crack."

Finn chokes on his sandwich before they go to meet Mr Schue at the hotel.

_4. Like, all boys?_

They find it thank God, and it's really big and shiny and hotel-like and he's gotta admit it, Finn's totally impressed; he half expected Mr Schue to have sorted them some cardboard boxes to stay in or something. Still watching and counting everyone (he almost had a heart attack when he only counted twelve, then remembered that he was the thirteenth, duh), he follows the group in, and he really wants to speak to Rachel again. Since the airplane cups thing and the whole 'I'm gonna wipe your lip but not kiss you this time though I secretly want to and you probably do too but you might still think I'm pining for Quinn when I'm actually in love with you' thing, he hasn't spoken to her, so when he sees her strolling along in front of him, he makes his move.

"Hey," he says lazily, and she smiles brightly at him.

"Hi! I'm surprised at how well Quinn is taking the breakup. I guess I was wrong about her being a vindictive harpy."

He's not exactly sure what a harpy is (is that one of those monster bird things that Hercules fought in the Disney movie? He'll ask Sam later), and he's not exactly sure why she's choosing to bring up Quinn now, but he sees his ex girlfriend not so far away and he guesses that the situation never really arose for the Fuinn discussion on the plane (he's not really sure what their couple name was, but since no one really dubbed them anything, he guesses their relationship didn't count for much).

Anyway, whatever, he doesn't wanna dwell on anything Quinn-related. He doesn't want to be a jerk but they had it coming for a long time and he can't just wait around until she's semi-okay with him dating again.

"I guess she just accepted the inevitable," he says smugly, pushing his hands into his pockets. Rachel's smart, really really smart, and he hopes that she can read between the lines or whatever; his and Quinn's breakup was inevitable because he should have never ended it with Rachel, but he's not gonna say that, not yet.

"Or maybe she's just distracted by the awesomeness of New York! I know I am." she gushes, and she does this weird little dance thing while he looks away in confusion. What if she's right? Maybe she does have some kind of plan to like, sabotage him and the glee club, and maybe she's gonna do something to him later? "Hey, do you know why it smells like it's wet here all the time?" she asks randomly, and uh...

"Nope. So, what's going on with you and Jesse?" Okay, so much for fucking subtlety, and it's not like the two topics were even related! Crap, whatever, at least he's jumped in there and stuff. He tries his best to act nonchalant, he really does, but she looks at him with those huge, perfect eyes and that flies through the window (he tries to ignore that Quinn's watching them from the bar, and he hopes she doesn't jump at him with a knife or some shit).

"I don't know, he keeps texting me but I told him that I don't want to talk to him until I get back; no boys or distractions until we win that trophy."

Typical. He's about to go and ask her if that means like, all boys, but then Mr Schue storms up (in a similar hat to Rachel's but his is black and dude, he looks weird!)

"Hey Finn, where the hell's Puckerman?"

Finn resists the temptation to knock off Mr Schue's hat, and he also stops himself from saying 'where the hell where you when we were eating lunch? We could have been kidnapped!'.

"Um..." He actually has no clue where Puck is but then him and Mr Schue do this awesome simultaneous glance towards the bar and his best friend is sitting with Lauren, trying to order some type of cocktail (is a Manhattan a cocktail? Finn doesn't really know).

After Puck gets blown out, they head up to one of the rooms for some kind of meeting, and then Mr Schue announces that it's 'their time', whatever that means (does it mean our time to try and hurry to get these songs written?).

"You are all on lockdown until you're finished writing the songs for Nationals. I want at least two solid verses by the time I get back."

Worst teaching style _ever_.

"Aren't you going to help us?" asks Tina, and yeah, Finn's wondering the same thing; Loser Like Me was partly Mr Schue's work too so how can they do it without him?

"I um... I will be back and will read your amazing creations but right now I have to head for the theatre to uh, fill out some paperwork."

Okay, see ya Mr Schue; so much for teacher of the year. When he leaves there's this awkward silence, so trying not to be too obvious, Finn looks up at Rachel, who's already scribbling down ideas; he really loves that about her.

_5. Good attempt... sort of_

It feels like forever has passed until someone speaks. Finn's written a few words, mostly cactus, I-don't-know-what-we're-doing, Rachel Berry and some words that rhyme with waste of time, and as he glances around at his friends, they seem to be writing so frickin' much; even Puck seems captivated by whatever he's doing.

Then again though, the guy's probably drawing naked chicks all over his paper so it looks like he's keeping busy. Finn starts to sketch out some boobs before Brittany suddenly cheers and jumps up off of the bed, knocking Tina to the floor.

"I have our masterpiece!" she announces, jumping up and down on the spot. "I don't have any music though." She looks longingly towards Puck, who snorts though doesn't protest, and then Artie volunteers his help (poor dude's still pining over Brittany and he can definitely sympathise with that), and the three of them leave the room to practice outside.

"How's everyone doing?" Finn asks. He's the co-captain, so he figures he needs to make sure they're working (unlike him).

"This is hard," admits Mike as he rubs his temple. "There are only so many fish metaphors that rhyme with trouty mouth."

Sam mutters something that sounds offensive and throws a pillow at Mike's head, and then everyone starts laughing and complaining and talking over each other. Finn looks to Rachel again, hoping she'll be his inspiration, and then Puck, Brittany and Artie appear; that was quick.

The guitar begins and Brittany starts shaking her ass (Finn kindly looks away 'cause he doesn't want people to think he's ogling her or whatever), and she starts to sing.

What's with all the déjà vu lately? 'Cause Finn's left frowning as he listens to the words, and though Britt and Artie are awesome singers... God, the lyrics are just terrible, and with a fond, brief smile, Finn remembers My Headband and Only Child; he still prefers those.

My Cup... Yeah, he's not feeling it, and he tries his best to smile encouragingly at Brittany but it's just _bad_, like really awful; Artie really must be desperate to get back with her (and the look on Puck's face pretty much says it all).

When they're done, the confusion starts, and suddenly Quinn's telling everyone that they have to leave. Does she not get it? If My Cup is the best they have then they _need_ to stick around to work on this thing! He's about to pipe in but Rachel, as the co-captain, jumps in and tells her where to shove it (okay, she just tells her that Mr Schue ordered them to stay in the hotel room, but same difference).

Quinn says some stuff about needing inspiration and Puck joins in (woah, they're both wearing orange, that's weird), and he hears what they're trying to say but he still doesn't like it. In fact, he's gonna tell them that).

"Guys, I don't think this is a good idea. I mean, we've still got those songs to write and if we don't write them then we're gonna lose." Because duh, it's obvious.

"Noooo, they're right!" Finn turns to look at Lauren (you know what's weird? He kinda loves and knows everyone in glee club but he's not even sure he's ever spoken to her before). He frowns at her, and glances once at Rachel, who has her arms crossed and a matching grimace on her face; at least they're on the same brainwave. "Don't you hear the city calling to you?"

"We don't need to write songs for Nationals," adds Quinn, and he feels kinda awkward looking at her. "New York's gonna write them for us." And woah, okay, he totally gets that. He looks down at the snow globe in his hand (it's his mom's and she told him to take it with her in case it gave him any ideas, though he knows that she thinks he's gonna get homesick). The pieces of fake snow swirl around inside and he understands what everyone's talking about; he's pretty sure this calls for a song that they've never sung before though they'll pull it off on the first try (they're awesome at doing that you know).

_6. What rhymes with pain? I know Kurt's boyfriend does but..._

"Hey, can I try something out on you guys?" He's sitting in the hotel room with Puck, Sam, Artie and Mike, and though Kurt's supposed to be staying in there too, he spends all of his time with the girls.

You know the thing about letting New York write the songs? TOTAL FUCKING LIE. They ran around a fountain and Puck stole a kid's skateboard and Santana nearly dropped her ice cream and after all that singing and dancing... yeah, still nothing; he knew he shouldn't have trusted Quinn.

Like, he's trying, and he really is, but he doesn't know; they've sung about being losers already, and Rachel sung about getting stuff right for a change, and that's basically his life in a nutshell, a loser who always screws up, so he doesn't have much else to go on.

Except pain, and he has plenty of that. People would probably tell him he's exaggerating since he's the quarterback and the glee stud and he was dating one of the hottest girls in the school, yeah yeah yeah, but just because everything looks perfect doesn't mean it is, and if he can be honest, he was very rarely happy when he was with Quinn.

So yeah, pain, he wants to work on that.

What he _does_ know is that it has to be a duet with Rachel, and that the person singing with her is him. For one thing, their voices sound awesome together and they always bring the house down, and for another...

Right, this is gonna sound lame, but during one of their warm milk chats, Kurt told Finn that Blaine chose him to do a duet so he could get close to him (and yeah, the rest of the story was boring because he wasn't really interested in the way that Blaine's lips felt and the way he smelt of coffee), but long story short, doing a duet together brought them closer, and they ended up dating; that has to work with Rachel, right?

"I think one of them should be a duet with me and Rachel." He half expects them to all get really mad 'cause the girls are all cut throat and rawr about solos and stuff, but it's the opposite; the guys are so laid back that they're making him sleepy.

"I just wanna win," says Mike as he makes paper aeroplanes (is that some kind of metaphor for the fact that they're all gonna crash and die on the way home?). "Everyone knows that you're our best shot at that."

Mike throws the plane, Finn catches it, smiles, then says, "awesome," because it really is; his friends are so awesome.

"Okaaay... Can we just talk about the Jewish elephant in the room?" asks Puck, and Finn looks away because does that mean that he wants to sing with Rachel instead? "Ask her out dude!" Oh.

"Who? Rachel? But she's totally into Jesse right now." Fuck, he hates that bastard and his stupid girly name. He feels kind of self conscious because is it that obvious? Not his hatred for Jesse (yeah, that's pretty obvious), but his feelings for Rachel... does everyone know?

"You're in New York, the city of love."

"I thought that was Paris," says Sam with a mouth full of food (is he eating Doritos or something? So much for all that crap about just eating fish and stuff).

"Anything's possible here, and you're going to ask her out _tonight_. Take her out on one of those big dates you see on unwatchable romantic comedies that you grow a vagina if you watch all the way through."

"This is your shot dude," adds Sam. "If I was in a love with a girl, and I wasn't homeless, I'd totally go for it."

He literally doesn't know what to say or think, apart from how much he really loves his friends.

_7. Showtime! Well, Rachel showtime_

Step one; he texts her – "MEET ME in CENTRAL PARK at BOW BRIDGE. DRESS UP. FINN." (his cell is being an ass and keeps capitalising random words). He's not so sure about this but Puck keeps insisting that she'll fall for it hook line and sinker, so he just swallows his fear and waits.

Step two; find Bow bridge. Has he mentioned that he's never been to New York before? Well yeah, he hasn't, and he has to get Artie to help him read the super complicated tourist's map. He makes it though, and he holds a bouquet of flowers tightly in his grasp while he shifts uncomfortably in his suit.

Choosing the flowers was hard. He can't help but remember the whole tulip thing and it hurts a little when he thinks what might happen all over again, but he goes with the most colourful of them all and doesn't even cry when the vendor tells him how much they're gonna be. His suit... That was his mom's idea. He has his outfit for Nationals and stuff, and he has a few change of clothes for the rest of the time he's there but his mom told him that he might need to dress up. When he'd asked her why, she told him to take it just in case, and he'll have to remember to buy her an extra large 'I love you Mom and I love New York!' mug to say thanks.

Step three; wait for Rachel to arrive. He doesn't have much else planned out after that and he's kinda regretting that, but he does know where they're gonna eat, and this one's down to Burt; one step at a time though.

He looks nervously over the bridge and it's a really nice day, but God, it's so hot, and he's wearing his huge suit and what if she doesn't dress up? She might just be wearing some old clothes to come and tell him to leave her alone or something, so he looks into the distance to try and pick out a down dressed Rachel Berry; what he sees is fucking epic.

She's always beautiful. He doesn't care about all that conventional stuff, about girls needing to be skinny and blonde and look exactly like Quinn (maybe that was one of the reasons Rachel wanted a nose job?), and sure, it's nice that there are beautiful people in the world, okay? He's not arguing with that. But for Finn, beauty's skin deep too, and it's all about personality. Quinn had pretty much none, and apart from all her mood swings and her angry remarks, she seemed just as insecure as everyone else.

Rachel, on the other hand, has such a colourful, awesome personality and there are so many amazing things about her (he doesn't have time to list them all because she's coming!). And even if she was not that pretty, he'd still love her because she's Rachel.

But ugh, she's _so_ pretty. He loves her slightly bigger nose and he loves her tiny figure and he loves her hair and her hands and her sweet little ass-

Woah boy, calm it Hudson.

When he called her beautiful in front of the glee club, it wasn't a lie to try and convince her that she was better than the surgery; it was the truth. Rachel Berry is the most beautiful girl in the world, and now that he sees her in her own blue dress, her hair up like Quinn's was, he has no doubt about it; she's just so beautiful.

Crap, he's totally gonna wear that word out before the night is over.

She walks to him, and he knows he's pulling a really dumb face but it's like music is playing all around them and everything is picture perfect and it's really sunny and the birds are singing and wow, okay, it's just like those romantic comedies Puck was talking about (speaking of which, he's pretty sure the guy's seen a few in his time by the way he was so defensive, and when Finn was dating Rachel, he watched some to please her, and he doesn't have a vagina, he checked to make sure).

"Hi," she breathes, and fucking hell, like, how is it even possible for her to look so amazing?

"Hi," he replies lamely. He's pretty much used up all of his compliments in his head and he's nervous, he's not going to lie.

"So, what's so important?"

"Uh..." He looks down at the flowers (so expensive, New York's such a rip off), and wow, the weird papery stuff that's wrapped around the stems matches her dress; that's pretty sweet. "These are for you," he says, like it wasn't obvious enough, and he holds them out to her, hoping she'll like them; the smile says she does.

But she doesn't say anything, and he chickens out because he doesn't want to like, pressure her or anything. "I thought since we're both captains and all that we should write a duet for Nationals."

"The tie, the flowers, Central Park?"

Crap, what should he say? "It's uh... a work date." Yeah, he's proud of himself because that was a close call. It's not that he doesn't want more (God, does he want more!) but he has to take it slow; he's only just broken up with Quinn and there's the Jesse of it all and he doesn't want to blow his big chance; he might not get that again, especially not in New York. "Totally professional," he adds, and Rachel does this brave little nod. Wait, does she want more...?

"Okay; where shall we go to work on the song?" she asks timidly, and he gives her a secret little smile as he offers her his arm.

"I know the perfect place."

So they walk together, arm in arm, and they try to keep up the small chat. It feels comfortable and familiar, yet at the same time, their relationship is so _new_. Romantic or otherwise, they haven't spent much time together outside of glee club, and he remembers little things about their friendship that surprise him and make him smile.

"What did you think to Brittany's original song?"

Finn looks down at her, and urgh, she's even more beautiful close up and stuff! It takes all he has nto to push her up against a tree and kiss her to death. "It was uh, well, I thought it lacked-"

"Coherent lyrics, deep personal emotion, and everything needed to make it a worthy candidate?"

And they laugh, and it's nice and she looks so amazing when she laughs. "Well yeah, that pretty much. Can't beat Only Child," he says with a smirk, and she lightly smacks him with the flowers and he's never been happier to be in someone's company before.

Step four; Sardi's. Okay, he admits it, before the trip he'd never even heard of the place, and he still doesn't get the big deal over it. He also doesn't get the big deal over the prices! They can really charge that much for a salad and people will pay for it?

It was Kurt and Burt's idea (woah, that totally rhymes! Maybe that can go in his song?). Apparently his mom had been scheming with the two of them behind his back or something because Burt approached him with a lot of money (and believe him, it's a _lot_ of money).

"Since you're going to New York and you've been really amazing with this whole Karofsky business, I want you to take this Finn." He'd given him the money, had insisted it was no big deal, and told him to spend it wisely. Almost instantly, Kurt appeared, gushing about Sardis' and how iconic and romantic it was and how much Rachel wanted to go there, and then he disappeared.

His family are evil geniuses.

"Okay, we're here," he whispers to Rachel, and she looks up at the restaurant then glances at Finn as tears fill her eyes.

"That's not a very funny joke."

"Who said I was joking? Come on, we have a table booked."

He leads her into the intimidating place, they take their seat, and then, just like Kurt, she gushes about how awesome it is (even though he has trouble understanding the food).

"You look so pretty tonight," he tells her, and that's probably an understatement but he doesn't want to frighten her off or anything.

Actually, he has to do this. If it's romantic and stuff that's great, and he wants to tell her while she's still smiling. "Rachel, there's something I have to tell you-"

"Oh my God, it's Patti LuPone!"

And that is...? As Rachel freaks out and hangs her head in her hands, he looks in the woman's direction and still doesn't recognise her; she must be some Broadway star or something.

Everything happens so fast after that. She mentions Kurt and decides that she has to do this, whatever this is, and before Finn knows it, Rachel's standing in front of her idol, talking about glee club. The woman's really nice though 'cause she wishes them luck and tells Rachel to never give up on her dreams.

She takes her seat and Finn can't stop smiling, just like she can't because that was so surreal, even if he doesn't know what the excitement is about. All he knows is that Rachel beams all through her dinner (which, she tells him, is the nicest vegetable something something she's ever eaten in her whole life). He pays with the money that Burt gave him, trying not to overreact at the extortionate prices, and arm in arm once more they leave.

Step five; being serenaded with the help of the glee boys. It was Artie's idea. Apparently, him and Britt used to watch the Lady and the Tramp all the time or something, and he remembered how romantic the whole singing thing had been. When no one could think of a kickass love song to sing, they just stuck with the song the Italian guy sung to the two dogs (yeah, he thought it might have been some kind of insult too but whatever).

"Being in New York is like falling in love, over and over again, every minute," Rachel whispers. It's gotten pretty dark while they were eating and now he's glad that she's holding him tightly in case someone tries to shoot them or something (big cities are dangerous places, you can't be too careful!).

He knows what she's talking about though. She might be talking about the city and how much she's fallen in love with it, but if this trip has taught him anything, it's how much he keeps falling in love with her, over and over again, every minute. He'd forgotten that she was such a cute eater, for example. She always reminded him of a hamster or something, the way she'd take tiny little nibbles, now and again murmuring with enjoyment (though that usually just headed down south and gave him a few mailman issues). He'd forgotten the way her eyes would fill with tears when she couldn't stop laughing, and how he'd always laugh with her, even if he didn't get what the joke was; she was just too cute.

And like, he knew these things already, but he was getting the joy of rediscovering her, you know?

Oh wow, okay, Faithfully reference right there.

"Tonight felt like one of those awesome nights that you see in those amazing romantic comedies." He smiles down at her because he remembers all the times he had to put up with 'those amazing romantic comedies', and sometimes he even enjoyed that (not that he'd ever admit it). "All we need now is some street singers to serenade us to make it perfect."

She doesn't even react when the guys start playing, and to be honest, neither does he. He doesn't question why Mike's there (since he can't really sing) and he doesn't question how Puck got an accordion thing, and he just accepts it because yeah, it really is perfect. He can feel her resting her head on his arm and his stomach does flips and even if the whole fancy dress stuff and the expensive restaurants and the epicness of it all isn't usually him, he's just as in love with New York as Rachel is, though probably for different reasons.

Perfect, it's perfect. You know what would make it even better?

"Wait." He stops her and she looks a little confused, but it's okay, it'll all work out. "This is the moment in those romantic comedies where I kiss you." Oh _God_, did he actually just say that? But it's true though, and he wants to let her know before he jumps her or whatever. He holds her hands extra carefully in his own (she has such pretty clothes and her gloves are no exception) and she looks at him, all lost and flustered.

"I thought you said this was just a work date?"

He gives her this timid, it's-okay-you-can-be-honest-with-me smile, and just asks "really?", because she's super smart and come on, he doesn't try so hard when it comes to work anyway.

She shakes her head and smiles back, whispering a no as they just stare at each other. He tries not to feel too self-conscious with Puck and Artie singing (and Sam and Mike just uh, watching he guesses...) because this is _the_ moment, the moment he has to shine and get it right and stop being a crummy loser who screws things up and doesn't realise who he wants until it's too late.

He takes a small breath, rests a hand softly under her chin, and he prepares himself for the best kiss of his life as he leans in to her pretty little face.

"I can't."

Finn looks at her, and he gets it, okay? He gets that she'd be nervous because he's let her down before and he needs stability and support and a loving boyfriend, but he can do that now, he's learnt the hard way that this, this setting and this scene and this girl, this is all he needs. "Take a chance on me." So he tries again, and he can feel his heart beating stupidly hard and he leans in but he can see the fear in her eyes and before he knows it, she's apologising and then she goes, goes, goes, and for a moment she looks back and he's stupidly hopeful that she's made a mistake, but she hasn't, and she doesn't come back to him.

He's not sure what's worse; having your heart broken when the love of your life cheats on you, or having your heart broken again when the love of your life doesn't want anything to do with you.

_8. I really, really love Mr Schue_

He shouldn't have done it, the whole date thing, not before Nationals. Finn finds it hard to be in the same room as Rachel but, as he keeps reminding himself, he's the co-captain and he has to take his team to victory. He thanks the guys for helping him (there may or may not have been some hugging involved but only because he was emotional and they were so awesome) and then gets to work in trying to inspire the group to write. He avoids Rachel's eye contact and focuses on the notepad in front of him that still doesn't have anything useful on there (though there's a picture of a rock that looks like him, some donkeys that he and Puck drew to pass the time and a cactus that looks suspiciously like a dick; he didn't mean it too though).

Finn gives an impromptu pep talk to the club about achieving dreams and using their pain to sing their hearts out and he still doesn't look at Rachel when he says that. And you know what? It works, for a little while at least. Quinn starts making notes and Brittany proudly states that My Plate is going to amazing, and he feels good, helping them like that.

Someone knocks on the door, and Finn gets it, hoping it's room service to give them free food or something. It's not though, and he's not sure why he recognises the guy. "Are you room service? 'Cause we're pretty hungry in here."

The guy, who's like, really smarmy and a little sleazy looking, snorts. "No, I'm the coach of Vocal Adrenaline, Dustin Goolsby." He sticks out his hand but Finn doesn't take it because this can't be good, whatever the hell he's doing.

"Oh, well that's cool, see you when we beat you at Nationals." He tries to close the door in the guy's face as like a warning or whatever, but Dustin (is that his real name?) blocks it with his foot.

"I just thought I'd tell you that your lovable daddy figure, Will Schuester, is quitting so that he can sing on Broadway; good luck with the competition." He leaves just like that, and Finn turns around to look at the rest of the group, who all look dazed.

"Well that's..."

"It's awesome," says Finn with a nod. Sure, maybe he wants to cry a little at this news, but he nods nods nods because it's actually awesome, for Mr Schue at least. "This is what he wants to do and he helped us get to Nationals so we should be happy for him." There's a murmur of agreement and everyone tries to continue with their songs, but no matter how much they want Mr Schue to be happy, this is like, a serious blow. He's given them the opportunity to shine, to make new friends, to be proud of who they are, and ugh, Finn's gonna miss the guy so much.

He returns not long after that and they tell him about the Goolsby dude. Finn hopes that he'll say 'it's not true' or something, but he doesn't, and admits that he hasn't made up his mind. Instead of lashing out though, the group rally together to support Mr Schue, and Finn finds himself staring shamelessly at Rachel as she talks (he's gonna have to watch that little habit).

Mr Schue just stands there for a bit and then he says that he's not going, and everyone holds their breath at the same time. "I'm staying with you guys. I had my moment on that stage and it was glorious, but you and I have some unfinished business to take care of." Finn smiles so widely 'cause despite all the Rachel stuff, this is like, the best news ever. "Now get your notebooks; time to get to work!" Everyone kinda stares at him because it's a lot to take in, and then he tells them that it's Nationals and Puck jumps up and hugs Mr Schue (he's some kind of hugging fiend these days), and everyone joins in because they love their teacher (and apparently Sam cries though he refuses to admit it).

So they try and get to work again. There's excited chatter and a flurry of ideas, and while everyone is preoccupied, Finn asks Mr Schue if they can speak in the hallway.

"What's up Finn?" he asks with concern, and when he's sure that the coast is clear, Finn clears his throat.

"I want to do a duet with Rachel... please." He rubs his fingers together (his nervous trait apparently) and watches as Mr Schue thinks it over; he really really needs this.

"Okay." He's about to leave when Finn splutters a little, shrugging his shoulders.

"That's it? What if I'm really crappy?"

Mr Schue gives him this huge smile, places a hand over his heart, and with a tear in his eye, he says, "Finn Hudson, I believe in you; knock our socks off and stop pretending that you're not as talented as you think you are." He joins the glee club back in the room, and with the word pretending ringing in his ears, Finn grabs a complimentary notepad from the hotel reception and gets to work as he sits in the bar alone.

_0. Or will we forever only be pretending?_

Finn can't concentrate on the shitty people that are performing on the stage. Honestly, he has no idea how most of these groups managed to make it to Nationals, but it's easy to say that none of them really hold his interest.

That's probably to do with the fact that they're performing soon, and he has to sing out his soul to Rachel.

Also, that Sunshine kid is way too good and not so great at the same time, and he doesn't recognise the song; is it an original one or something?

He tunes out the noise as he hangs his head in his hands, his foot tapping nervously on the floor, and he nearly groans out loud because he's so goddamn nervous. Not only is this the most important thing that's ever happened to him, he has to sing with Rachel, and just, he _knows_ that she loves him, she's always made that clear, so why can't she trust him now when he needs her?

Mr Schue ushers them backstage, gives them a quick good luck speech, and oh yeah, look, here he is again, about to sing a duet with Rachel.

Their first time at Regionals was _the _moment, you know? He saw Rachel looking at him, pumped about their performance, and he'd never felt so much love in his heart. Sure, she didn't return the gesture but she didn't need to; the look on her face and the passion in her voice pretty much confirmed how she felt about him, and it was blissful and amazing, even if they lost.

Now when he looks at her, he feels _so much more_. They've been through a ton of shitty times and drama and arguments and good times too, and now when he looks at her, he sees his life; before he just saw a relationship (he can't really explain it but it's pretty fucking awesome).

Just like last time, he walks towards her, and he knows that regardless of anything else, he just has to tell her something that he's known all along, even if he's been trying to hide it. She cuts in first though.

"You wrote an amazing song, Finn," and he can tell how much she means that (and coming from her, he feels really honoured, he does). "I didn't know you had it in you."

Really? He hates that, actually, because it's kind of the same thing he's been saying to himself this whole time. He's loved her for almost two years, and yet he's hidden it away, pretended that it didn't exist, and he didn't know he had it in him until the very last minute.

"Who cares about the song?" he asks bluntly. "What I don't understand is that all you've ever wanted is for us to be together and I'm basically standing here begging for you and suddenly you're not interested." He sounds a bit like a spoiled brat, complaining because he can't get his own way, but that's how he feels; he _needs_ her, more than this Nationals title and more than his popularity and more than _everything_, and why can't she see that?

_And I'm looking in the mirror all the time, wondering what she don't see in me. I've been funny, I've been cool with the lines; ain't that the way love's supposed to be?_

Yeah, it sucks, it really really does.

"I'm interested," she insists, but he's sceptical because if she was, why would she tug him around like this? "More than interested." His heart actually skips a beat. "This is my dream, being here in New York; I'm not gonna let anyone or anything keep me from it."

He looks away because that hurts, that really fucking hurts. He's often wondered if he's pulling her down, stopping her from reaching her goals, and that's why he tried so hard to make her see how talented she is. The necklace, the kind words, the support; he did it for her, not him. Jesse made him feel insecure and made him judge himself again, but he'd managed, with the help of his friends and family, to believe that he could help Rachel, not hinder her. He's her biggest fan, and it's his job to be there when she needs him, to cheer her on when she needs that, to fucking _help_ her, and she doesn't see that.

"I love you." He should have rejoiced at hearing her say that but he grits his teeth and holds his tongue because they have to perform. "But there's nothing that you can say or do that's going to change my mind about it."

The announcer guy starts to speak, and isn't it just _awesome_ how little input he has on her life? It's like the nose thing all over again; he wants what's best for her, he always has done, but she just makes up her mind and sticks to it without listening to anything anyone says.

He's so ready to give up. This song is supposed to be the thing that brings them together, and he's _so _close to screwing up on purpose so he doesn't have to deal with this crap. He hates putting a brave face on things and it's dumb that guys aren't allowed to cry as much as girls because of stereotypes and stuff, and when he looks across at Rachel, remembering Regionals, remembering the way they smiled so brightly and lovingly at each other, he feels a tug on his heart.

She doesn't believe this can work? Tough, because he's going to show her; the invisible tether/rope/bond between people exists, and she can't just sever it because she wants to fulfil her dreams without him.

So he sings. He sings the duet with her and he walks slowly across the stage, and it's weird, singing these words that he worked so hard on (he stayed up all night long, using a crummy old torch under his covers like a boss). To have them heard by everyone, all the stuff that he's feeling and all the things that are hurting... it takes some getting used to.

_I close my eyes, I look away; that's just because I'm not okay_

He wants to cry, just on the stage in front of so many people, and he just does, okay? He really really wants to because God, Rachel, don't you see how much this is hurting him? Don't you see how much you mean to him?

_I hold on, I stay strong, wondering if we still belong_

It hurts his heart.

But he keeps singing. And he keeps singing because you know what? He can be proud of this song, proud of what he's feeling because it makes him imperfect and flawed and human, and there's nothing wrong what that; he's not ashamed that he's in love. He manages more of a smile, and he puts more effort into his voice because regardless of the audience, of glee club and the competition, this song is for Rachel Berry and he needs her to feel it, just like he felt hers at Regionals.

The more effort he puts in though, the more he wants to cry and/or grab Rachel and throw her against the stage as he does pretty R rated stuff to her; he isn't sure which is worse.

The rest of the club come on and they're nearing the end of the song and Rachel's coming closer and he swears, his heart just stops because does she _feel _that? He can't even explain what 'that' is but it's pulling him closer and it's making him shake and she looks frightened again, and no, please don't be frightened Rachel, he's not going to try and kiss you again.

Oops, total lie, he does and she meets his mouth and in that moment when she has her arms wrapped around him and his lips are mashing against hers, the whole world stops spinning; they're the only ones in the room, in the city, in existence, and everything is this kiss.

They break away. She looks at him. He looks at her. They look like they're looking into each other's souls and he never wants to leave her again.

Crap, but he has to because they have another song to sing and even though he wants to drag her off stage and kiss her senseless, he has to join in because he has a few solos in this song and they still really need to win.

Insert a lot of singing and excitement here, and Finn finds himself standing in the um, what's the word? Well, he's in a big room and Rachel's coming over and wow, okay, so they actually kissed, right? He was kinda worried that a lack of sleep had made him dream it all but his imagination sucks and he knows that dream!Rachel is never as beautiful as the real one.

"I think we were good," is what she opens with, and okay, he can deal with that for now, even though good is a total understatement.

"Good? We were amazing!" Nothing like being proud of yourself for a change, right? Whatever, he's going with it.

"The kiss was... interesting." Is that a good thing?

"Yeah, I'm calling it the kiss of the century-"

"You're wrong Finn; that kiss was unprofessional." Fucking Jesse, where the hell did that douchebag come from? "It was too personal and intense and the judges won't like it; they'll consider it common and vulgar and it'll cost you Nationals."

Is it selfish of Finn that the first thought that comes into his head is screw Nationals? Don't get him wrong, he really wants it, but Jesse'll never understand what it means to be in love, will he? He claimed to love Rachel last year, then dumped her so fast so he could win Regionals; Finn'll never be that guy.

"Hi Rachel, you look amazing and you sounded great; you just shouldn't have kissed him." Slimy fucker, insulting him then hitting on his girl and-

"Why are you here Jesse?" asks Rachel nervously.

Finn feels a huge lump in his throat because he knows what the ass is going to say, before he even says it. "For you."

"Dude, back off; you're just jealous." Finn steps forward; you're so jealous you- "Jealous of what we have, and what we shared with the entire audience because it was shared between two people who love each other. It was the Superman of kisses! It came with its own cape, right Rachel?"

He finally stands up to Jesse once and for all, lays it all on the line and admits his true feelings for Rachel, and then the stupid results get posted and-

Holy hell, the results, the thing they've been waiting for all this time! They've got it in the bag, he's never been more sure of anything.

"What did we place?" he asks Mr Schue excitedly, and they all wait while he looks at the rankings. "Well Mr Schue? Say it! What did we rank?"

"We didn't. I'm so sorry you guys; we aren't in the top ten."

_10. I'm such a screw up_

The fights in the glee club get him down and the way that Rachel takes most of the blame makes him feel like puking. The plane ride home gets him worst than the first time but Rachel isn't there to hold his hand and tell him it'll be okay; she's hiding, away from Santana, and everyone keeps glaring at him and it hurts more than their stupid loss, okay? Why can't he have things both ways? He doesn't regret kissing Rachel because he's wanted that for longer than he knows, but he didn't mean to ruin their chances!

If he'd have known, would he have stopped himself though? 'Cause honestly, it _was_ the kiss of the century.

Yeah, he wouldn't have changed a thing.

But it's back to school now where he has to put up with the constant guilt for his actions, and since he seems to see the glee club wherever he goes, he hangs out in the library, still holding his mom's snow globe. He likes to pretend that he lives in that globe, and that every time he shakes it, his life changes somehow. Like, one Finn snow globe guy lives in a castle where he's the king and nobody can rag on him for loving his queen (lame, but shut the hell up). Another Finn snow globe guy is super talented and super cool and has the ability to hold onto his super girlfriend without super screwing everything up.

He shakes it a lot of times but nothing changes for him.

"Where have you been?"

Maybe that last shake changed something, because someone's finally found him, and he kind of needs the company.

"Hiding out; everyone hates me."

"No they don't." She pauses, and he resists the urge to look at her because it'll just make things more complicated. "It doesn't explain why you haven't said a word to me since we've been back."

"'Cause you should be more pissed at me than anyone else." He hates that he's hurt so many people, he really honestly does, but he hates that he's hurt her. She talked about New York and him not being compatible, right, and Pretending was supposed to prove that they can work together, not the fucking opposite. "I screwed up; I'm humiliated! We worked so hard and I was supposed to be this big shot leader holding everyone together and... I blew it, cost us the championship."

And then she waves her magical Rachel Berry wand, and she says these words that have an impact on him. Actually, her words never _not_ have an impact on him and when she asks if it was all worth it, he knows the answer already; he's been thinking about it all for a while now.

Of course it's worth it. He said he'd do and give anything for her for a reason, and the reason is that he's never loved anyone as much as he loves Rachel. He's sorry that he let his club down and he's sorry that he's hurt so many people over the past however many years that he's been screwing up, but he's not sorry that he's sitting in the library, kissing and cuddling the one person that he knows he's done right by.

He doesn't think he's gonna get over the joy of kissing her again, and to be honest, that's totally okay with him. His arm fits around her shoulders perfectly, his lips mould together softly with hers, and that tether thing that's he been so preoccupied with? He's finally found the end of it when actually, this is only just the beginning.

"Baby, are you done yet?" Rachel whines, slumping down on his bed. "I didn't realise writing in a journal was part of your everyday ritual."

Finn looks down at the piece of paper in front of him, covered in notes and song lyrics and a lot of declarations of love, and he folds it up and hides it in a drawer before turning to look at her, smirking with a raised eyebrow. "Why, is there something you'd rather me be doing?" He practically prowls towards the bed, and as Rachel giggles and squirms, her pins her down, tickling her. When she starts to cry with laughter, he places a quick, tender kiss to her lips. "I just wanted to write everything down for the future and stuff," he whispers against her mouth, and she shudders with a sigh.

"And why is that?"

"I wanna tell our kids how much of a stud I was for risking everything for you."

Rachel wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him in for a deeper kiss, and you know what's even awesomer than the way her tongue moves around like she owns his mouth? That she doesn't even deny it.

**OOC: And done; reviews would be much appreciated, and I hope everyone enjoyed the finale! Jigsaw, ROOL and song fic updates will begin again in the next few days. Thank you for being so patient!**


End file.
